Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Feb 17, 2015
Jan 30, 2015
White Goat & Black Goat
TV Anchor interviewing a Farmer about his goats:
Q: What do you feed your goats ?
Farmer : White goat or black goat ?
Anchor: White goat !
Farmer : Grass !
Anchor: And what do you feed black goat with ?
Farmer : I feed it with Grass as well
Anchor: Where do you keep them ?
Farmer : The white one or the black one ?
Anchor: white one !
Farmer : In the porch outside !
Anchor: And how about the black one ?
Farmer : I keep them in the porch as well
Anchor: And how do you clean them ?
Farmer : The black one or the white one ?
Anchor: Black one
Farmer : With water !
Anchor: And what about white one ?
Farmer : of course with water
Anchor angrily:
You idiot! When you treat both white and black goat the same way then WHY do you keep asking me “Black or White” ?
Farmer : Because the white goat is mine…
Anchor: And the black one ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Farmer : That is also mine
Apr 4, 2013
Short Jokes
After a great success, the airline sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply, "Which trip?"
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Husband was seriously ill. After thorough examination, doctor sent him outside to wait.
Doctor to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant to him and keep him in good mood, don’t discuss your problems, don’t demand new clothes or gold jewels. Do this for one year and he will be fine.
On the way home, husband asked wife: What did the doctor say?
Wife: No matter what we do for you, you are going to die!
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An intelligent wife is one who spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman.
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Wife buys a new phone and decides to surprise her husband who is sitting in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband from the new number: "Hello darling!"
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back later honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen.”
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Cool message by a woman: Dear mother-in-law, "don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement."
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A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came home and asked, “What happened son?”
Kid said, “I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own.”
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In an African safari, a lion suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
Wife: Shoot him! Shoot him!
Santa: Yes, yes. I'm changing the battery in my camera..
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What is the difference between mother and wife?
A – One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
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Husband and wife are like 2 tires of a vehicle.
If one punctures, the vehicle can't move further.
Moral: Always keep a spare tire....
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What's the similarity between chewing gum and begum (wife) ??
Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and sticky in the end..
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A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled: "How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldn’t believe his luck.
He blurted out: 'That would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn’t see her......
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday passed too.....
On Friday his swelling became better and now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
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You know why the word woman starts with 'w'?
Because all questions start with "w".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
finally Wife..!!!
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Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate, hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches how to choose a wife.
Natural disasters just happen.
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Wife: last night I had a dream that you were sending me jewellery and clothes! Just then my eyes opened.
Husband: Yeah, you didn’t see the end of that dream where I saw your dad paying the bill !!!
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A recently fired stock trader said, "This is worse than divorce. I have lost everything and I still have my wife !!!! "
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Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer and peaceful life..!!
Why?
Very simple... A woman does not have a wife..!!!
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Dec 26, 2012
Interview and IQ Test
I saw this Interview conversation on Facebook... I enjoyed it. Sharing with you guys
Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane.
You drop one outside. How many are left?
Applicant: That's easy, 499
Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.
Dec 23, 2012
Play with Polar Bear
I saw this picture and I did really laugh...
but I know it's not just a game they are playing over there, for the hungry polar bear it's his food, for the man it's his life. sometimes this picture is more related to our life cycle, isn't it?
but I know it's not just a game they are playing over there, for the hungry polar bear it's his food, for the man it's his life. sometimes this picture is more related to our life cycle, isn't it?
Nov 19, 2012
My future is FACEBOOK
I enjoyed this conversation which was shared on Google+, sharing with you guys
Teacher: What will you do after growing up?
Student: Facebooking
Teacher: NO! I mean what will you BECOME?
Student: Admin of facebook pages.
Teacher: OMG! I MEAN what will you ACHIEVE after you grow up?
Student: Facebook Admin Rights
Teacher: IDIOT! I MEAN what will you do for your PARENTS?
Oct 2, 2012
Are you an IT guy? You might enjoy these Jokes
while browsing, I came across some real stories... Most computer users understand that you need an operating system to use a computer practically, even if it is not clear why. But many users don't. Hope you guys enjoy these jokes :-D
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| After reading the jokes, you feel like.... |
Jul 9, 2012
Apr 4, 2012
Things that MICROSOFT Could not Explain!
MAGIC #1
Found that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the Computer which can be named as "CON". This is something funny and inexplicable? At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened! TRY IT NOW, IT WILL NOT CREATE A "CON" FOLDER
MAGIC #2
For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.
Noticed the weird bug? No one can explain!
MAGIC #3
Again this is something funny and can't be explained?
At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened!
It was discovered by a Brazilian. Try it out yourself?
Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200, 99)
And then press ENTER And see the magic?..!
Magic #4
Did you know that a flight number from one of the planes that hit one of the two WTC towers on 9/11 was Q33N. In Notepad / WordPad or MS Word, type that flight number i.e Q33N. Increase the font size to 72. Change the font to Wingdings. ..... u will be amazed by the findings!!!
Mar 26, 2012
Cool Marriage Jokes
I enjoyed the following jokes of marriage, hope you too will enjoy it, sharing with you :-)
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
Mar 10, 2012
Arranged Marriage & Love Marriage
This is a comedy story, but sometimes you find this as reality in some situation
The American said, "Talking about love
Marriages...I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.
"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems... Gimme a break!!"
Mar 4, 2012
Stupid sayings by Famous people
OH MY GOD, These people are really, really, really... stupid! I couldn't stop laughing ... sharing with you! :-)
“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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”Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
– Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas ..
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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President
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“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix ..”
– Dan Quayle
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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
– Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery
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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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”Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
—————————–
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
—————————–
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
– Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
—————————–
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
—————————–
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
—————————–
“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas ..
—————————–
“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
—————————–
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President
—————————–
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix ..”
– Dan Quayle
—————————–
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
—————————–
“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
—————————–
“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
– Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
—————————–
“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery
—————————–
“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
Jan 12, 2012
Some Sardar Jokes
There are many jokers such as Mullah Nasrudin, Sardar, etc... here are some short funny Sardar joke i enjoyed, sharing with you
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After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
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After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
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